Hi everyone, how’s it going? Hoping this email finds you WELL and CAFFEINATED ENOUGH and FED!! : - )
Enjoy these mantras I found in the youtube comments of a study music video I was listening to…
Lol, cheesy mantras in the comments aside, I am feeling a…random feeling of deep contentment right now. I’m writing this from my bed which I don’t usually do, but it feels amazing!! This week, I’m reminded of how good I feel when I:
Take a break
Eat candy and drink grape soda even though I am cavity prone
Listen to music and draw
Have a good conversation with a friend
Dance or sing to a good song
***
Today, for no reason at all, I’m feeling grateful to be alive and on the earth, to get the chance to be around people I love, to walk down the street, to experience the weather, to listen to music that makes me happy, to lie in bed and even to do boring or mundane tasks. I could go on! But I think it’s partially sparked by me reading (and immediately regurgitating to multiple people) this Wiki page, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” (found in this newsletter for those interested). I had read it before, but immediately after reading it yesterday I had the urge to copy the exact phrases onto a post-it note to place in front of my desk. I was most affected by the one that reads“I wish that I had let myself be happier”. I think that one is relatable to everyone in some sense. Of course, there’s no way to avoid regrets in life, nor do I think it’s useful to try and prevent regretting things. We learn from our mistakes! Blah blah blah! Whatever, but I do want to let myself be happier when I have an awareness of it. For me, I think that means making the choice to let certain things go every day.
Last week, I was discussing the ever present yet important idea of “being present” with my therapist, and she brought up how incredible it can be to appreciate the mere fact that there are future moments to be had. She tells me to lie down on my bedroom floor a lot, which I haven’t tried yet as a work break, but I will let y’all know when I do try it.
This is a great time to reiterate to myself that I’m suspending the word “chill” from my vocabulary. At least, I’m trying to temporarily change the ways in which I usually use it. I often find I’m qualifying myself to people in situations by stating that I’m “not chill”, in an effort to be self-aware. It’s the word I use when I’m trying to articulate a nebulous idea of the easygoing person I think I could be, if I had no needs, or didn’t care about things that I care about, or didn’t express my emotions/opinions or really, if I just wasn’t who I am. When I write that out I feel kinda sad, lmao, because it’s such a fucked up feeling to feel! But I know others deal with this too, so it’s not just me, and it’s something I can definitely TRANSCEND!
Whew! Anyhow, I wish I could always easily access this deep appreciation feeling I’m talking about, but right now I’m just trying to enjoy it, drinking a smoothie in my bed. And hopefully, writing this down will serve as a quicker reminder for myself.
Things I’ve been enjoying:
The album Cardboard City by Zack Villere, which I found really catchy, kinda emo and refreshingly genuine. I’m not someone who closely listens to lyrics when I listen to music, so when I do and I’m affected by them, I get EMOTIONALLY hooked! I liked the sentiments echoed here and the way the melodies made me feel. Fave song:
This Vox article comparing and contrasting inheriting familial wealth made me take an always needed step back to think about the sheer concept of wealth/money and how it fundamentally shapes our lives. As always, it left me considering the completely broken American system of debt and borrowing, built upon intergenerational wealth, of selfishness and of want. Yes
There are parents who leave their children something not out of a deep want, but out of obligation, or tradition, or ideas about legacy, or lack of a better option. There are low-income parents who would love to be able to give their children something but can’t, and there are wealthy parents who could give their children a lot but choose not to — out of a desire to see them succeed on their own, or out of a deep lack of generosity, or out of 47,000 other reasons I can’t even conceive of. Whatever the reason, it is deeply personal.
If the fundamental problem, though, is that some people have security and others don’t, there might be some hope. It is possible to build a bigger safety net without spooking people that you’re going to tear a hole in theirs. It’s possible to create a system that doesn’t depend on coming from a stable, fortunate, generous family.
This music video is everything Lol…Wow wow!
This podcast/interview on police abolition with organizer Mariame Kaba was a great reminder. It’s a quick listen (30ish mins) and has some powerful messages about organizing and hope as they relate to the current carceral state. This all feels especially relevant in light of the Derek Chauvin trial decision yesterday!! With the constant stream of news in the past weeks, it’s easy to feel like there’s no way forward. This interview was very easy to understand and actually made me feel hopeful. I really want to read her book “We Do This Till We Free Us” now! Here’s a meaningful quote from the interview that inspired me.
I learned from my father that you may have big dreams and big visions. And, you know, you have to prepare for the day after the revolution. And even when you do that, it’s not guaranteed that things are going to go as you had hoped. So what’s the next best thing you can do from where you are? For you, in this moment, in this possibility space that you have, what’s the next best thing? And it’s such a grounding question. Because it doesn’t tell you: What’s the next 17 things that you need to do to get from where you are to where you need to go? It’s: What’s the next best step to take?
Lastly, I liked this quote from this Creative Independent interview with Lauren Oyler…inspiring to remember when you’re doubting yourself!
Do something nice for yourself today!! Love to everyone : - D
Send me what you’ve been reading, listening to, looking at on the internet if you have time to… I’ve been stuck in some depressing internet holes, lol!
Sincerely,
Sophie
Hey!
It feels like it’s been a while? Everything is zooming by so quickly these days! I have to be honest: the periods between existential crisis have been especially small for me these last few weeks, and even now I have to get real with myself and close my browser tab for Wikipedia’s page on Global catastrophic risk. I consider my natural state of being as one of realistic optimism, and perhaps this lens is naive or privileged, but I love people easily and I love the world always, and when I feel the sensation of inevitable dread coming on it becomes a bit of a scramble to fend it off. I’ve found that it’s easiest for me to get through these periods by accepting their presence and assuring myself of their transience, and recently I’ve also begun comforting myself by consuming media that reaffirms my own smallness, a.k.a. Space Content.
What videos did you all watch in school that trigger feelings of nostalgia? I know I recently shared some Muzzy content which is a dear favorite of mine, as is the Powers of Ten video from 1977. One hundred million million meters is the point where I say “Jess pull yourself together there are bigger things in this existence than your issues”. And then when he turns it around and zooms us back in real quick?? I start to sweat a little bit like okayyy slow down buddy!! Geez louise.
I hope I don’t sound like I’m out here invalidating my own emotions, because I really think that it’s important to take the hits when they come, and to acknowledge them fully, but I also find some of the best comfort in reminding myself that not much truly matters, least of all the rules and constructs of mankind, and to let the things that feel profound like friendship and a soft breeze pause my questions of greater meaning and stress over work issues.
It’s also a very exciting week for space exploration because NASA has just completed the “first powered, controlled flight on another planet” using a little helicopter named Ingenuity.
It’s so cute! I am always excited to add another name to the list of Robots That Have My Heart, and I needed something to fill the gaping void left by Opportunity’s death in 2019. Still miss you everyday bb girl ♥
Other things making me feel good this week
✿ Something that is truly making the weekday mornings more enjoyable for me is listening to video game soundtracks during my down time! This is my favorite one right now:
✿ Mowing my lawn!
✿ Rupert from Survivor: Pearl Islands
✿ A video of a pigeon tucking himself into bed:
That’s all I have for you guys! Stay cool.
Love,
Jess