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BIG Love Summer
Cosmos/Religion/Seasonal Change/Emotions??? Not again!!
Wishing you the best!
I’m writing this to you from my bed this morning. I bought myself new pink bed sheets as a Valentine’s day gift this year and now every morning I wake up feeling like Eloise at the plaza (A childhood dream. Did anyone else have this?) I went to bed at 9:00pm last night after I pushed it to the limit yet again this past weekend and stayed up too late for someone who works some mornings at 7:00am. I find that lately I can’t seem to choose the responsible option when there’s opportunity for joy in reach. Within reason of course! So I stayed up late dancing because the moment where your friends are in the room and you get to dance and eat pretzels isn’t always around. I found that the events of my past weekend affirmed how important friends are in my life. That is, spending time with new and old friends. This is something I’ve certainly mentioned before but I needed reminding for a second. Ughhh I need to do my taxes, I’ve been reflecting on the time right after I graduated college, on the feeling of my first brush with heartbreak. Wondering how it is people can be in your life so intensely and then not all? It’s so trite at this point it sounds cliche to even put it like that. I guess things become trite because they are true?
I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions (pisces season?), my schedule’s lightened up, I know it won’t be this way forever so I’m trying to record it all in pictures and my diary, be lazy when I feel like it, and let each day surprise me. Jess and I decided we wanted to make predictions for the summer, like we are astrologers for the future seasons. I feel like I always talk about spring in these newsletters and how excited I am, but as far as I’m concerned, after daylight savings time kicks in (IN A WEEK!!!) it’s the summer mindset for me. We wanted to do an “in/out” list for the new year, since that was something we were seeing around the internet this past winter, but it felt a little gatekeep-y to make things be OUT lol and also we were very lazy about getting around to sending out this newsletter. I personally need to prolong this summer as much as possible, not only because I LOVE the season and I think everyone looks beautiful in it, but also because I feel like my life is going to change a lot this fall.
So, looking forward to the next few months, I’ve had trouble naming this period of time. I want it to be big love summer in the way that it feels like right after you cut the cord, you made your decision, you’re changing paths. I’ve noticed a lot of people in my life seem to have made a distinct choice that is changing their paths recently, whether it is job related, relationship related, or just ideology related. Spring always welcomes a time for growth that feels poetic and special, and I want this summer to be as Type B as possible. I say that because I struggle with my own neuroticism and my life motto STILL feels like a wholehearted struggle to become a Type B person when I tend to Type A. (Why I continue to think about this: someone told me they thought I seemed “chill” last week) It is downright frivolous to be so concerned with how others perceive you, something that is both completely meaningless, unable to be recorded or tracked, and what a waste of time!
Anyways, recently I surprised myself and was reading a BOOK of the BIBLE, for the first time in probably years? I’ve had an emotional weekend. Why does crying in the car feel SO good??
I grew up christian, so I have had a weird relationship to the bible. I mean, come on!! A book giving you rules for how to live your LIFE? Sooooo perfect! It was always something I felt that fit right in line with my people-pleasing ethos, so naturally it worked out that to please god I could just submit to reading his word in times of trouble. No sarcasm intended here towards bible-readers, I’m not completely sure where I stand on my own spirituality these days. I do remember thinking about how proud my christian sports camp counselors would’ve been, when in a time of distress I consulted the bible.
Anyhow, fraught relationships to religion aside, I did find a leather-bound bible adorned with magenta question marks at a thrift store this past weekend… a “youth quest study bible” to be specific, complete with annotations on the side that answer any question you would have considered about god. God are you there??? Angels!! it’s me, Sophie!
When I read the bible I’m still soooo nervous that I’m going to end up in hell but secretly wonder if reading it in general gets me some brownie points to tip the scale back towards heaven. Can’t we just abolish the idea of hell? It’s too simplifying and subjective!! What??
but Sophie if there’s no hell then where do all the cool kids go when they die ??? - Jess
I was reading the book of “Ecclesiastes”, which was dubbed the “chillest” book of the bible by my coworkers last week. Naturally, after hearing that, I had to check it out. I found I actually did like it. I’m not about to bible study y’all here, many of you have probably been through that enough already. But I will say that parts of it, to my own surprise, inspired me. It’s being told from a narrator talking about how meaningless life is, but in the good way, because we all are going to die. Like, seriously, the headings of the chapters are titled: “EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS / WISDOM IS MEANINGLESS / PLEASURES ARE MEANINGLESS / TOIL IS MEANINGLESS / RICHES ARE MEANINGLESS”…You get the picture.
It’s almost. Buddhist? I’m no theologian but I love when the comparison of rich/poor and death is made, because it reminds me of how the point of things is for me is to experience them and have fun and celebrate LOVE in all forms. The only thing that comforts me lately is the meaning of love. And the randomness of life.
At 25, life has already felt somewhat long but I know when I reach an older age it will feel even LONGER. Sharing all this stuff feels vulnerable. Really, I just believe in love… I guess what I’m trying to say today is that I’m feeling deeply affected by my own capacity to love, to be loved, and to feel all the complex feelings that surround love. I know I sound like a stoner. It’s beautiful and amazing and inextricably bound with pain sometimes, too, but that’s part of what makes loving so good. I want all my friends to be happy and feel good.
I loved this book of the bible and I may even return to it! Crack it open and let me know what you think. Upon which, side note, I discovered that The Byrds’ famous song “Turn, Turn Turn” lyrics were taken DIRECTLY from this chapter!! Check it out:
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NIV)
Whatever, I’ll jump now from preaching to y’all to telling you what I’m setting as intentions for this upcoming summer, from the most vain and materialistic to true!
Wear deodorant that works for you
Spontaneity, Impulsive hanging with friends
Day trips with people I haven’t hung out with before
Vintage Gym shorts
Being on the internet A LOT or A LITTLE — WHICHEVER BRINGS YOU MORE PEACE
no tik tok :- (
2 Hour nap
read short books you can finish in one sitting
THIS PLAYLIST LOL
complimenting people openly
long long long long walks
Love to you all,
It’s Tuesday and I guess this newsletter is going out tomorrow so that means it’s time for me to sit and think about things and write them down so they can be sent to YOU and then maybe if you feel like it you can think about your own things and send them back to ME and we can have a little exchange.
This past weekend we had the warmest day of the year so far and you know people really threw themselves into it; a long walk confirmed that most Americans are fully prepared to host a cookout at a moment’s notice. By the late evening I still hadn’t had enough time outside so I drove to Target with the windows down to buy Meyer’s Soap, a lighter, and a KeVita Lemon Cayenne Sparkling Probiotic Drink, and purposefully took an extra long time to get back to our apartment during which I drank said drink and smoked 1 cigarette in a combination that unleashed a steady flow of emotions and I tried to feel them in a sensible succession but they ended up clustering together like woah woah woah ok!! Ok that’s enough!! I was thinking about everyone close to me that I care about so much and overwhelmed by how lucky I am to know them. And I was anxious at the thought of them being unaware of their specialness and worth! Thinking about my parents and my siblings and how the fact that siblings are even a thing is really crazy. And thinking about things that I used to be afraid of that don’t scare me anymore! Similar to Sophie, lately I’ve been feeling very full of emotions, as I’ve diagrammed for you all using a photograph of Wayne Gretzky.
As Sophie said, recently the thing that’s been getting us most excited has been dreaming about summer and all that it can be. Every year I forget how amazing it is for the outdoors to suddenly feel incredible and not be something to dart through at full speed before the cold sinks deep inside you. Our hot water heater was broken this weekend and I tried showering anyways to prove something to myself which ended up being a painful level of cold that felt like it was freezing my actual bone marrow. I know cold water is supposed to be good for you but I don’t know how some of you are out here doing that on the regular. Did no one tell you that life is about pleasure? The repairman was so kind but one of my flaws is that I am unable to ask middle-aged men questions without feeling like
in my mind’s eye. Regardless, I do know more about pilot lights this week. Awesome!
Back to the summer ideation—I want what I always want, which is to be sitting in the sun with my friends while I look at the water and eat a piece of fruit. That’s my only expectation and anything beyond that is an adventurous bonus. I found and are.na page called “everything is a door” and am using this sentiment to propel me forward—everything is a portal, and everything is a receptacle for intention! When nothing is sacred it’s all up for grabs. Choose your vessels for love and respect and saddle up!!!
Here’s my list:
★ limoncello (again)
★ leaving my phone at home
★ sitting in the kitchen
★ sitting on benches
★ Lina Wertmüller
★ going out to breakfast
★ getting closer to my neighbors