On the Way!
Put that Sunday paper down! Your ladies have something to say
Dear diary,
Hi guys…
Is it getting old for us to say we miss you? Here we are yet again, dropping by not to remind you of our existence, you can forget us if you want (don’t!), but to stoke the little flame of this newsletter once more.
It may be somewhat shocking to discover that as I write this, I’m on a plane! That’s right, there’s someone at 30,000 feet up thinking of you. Romantic, no? To be honest, writing this while flying is just as much for my own individual peace as it is for the catalog of our newsletter. I…struggle with air travel. I once was flying from Copenhagen to Dulles by myself when a woman sitting near me began having a panic attack. The turbulence had made her exponentially more nervous as we traversed the Atlantic Ocean together, and I watched her tip over the point of no return, consequently pressing her call button, requiring reassurance from the professionals. Two young flight attendants came and arched their necks over her chair to look down at her, as one would perhaps gaze upon a small fledgling that had fallen from its nest. Their voices were sweet and their words were careful. They did not know it but they were soothing me, too! After a moment everyone felt much better, though I watched the woman for the rest of the flight, looking for signals of her state of mind as though she were an indicator of how I should be feeling. She was a mother of four sons, none of which were yet teenagers, and therefore was already living through a fear of mine that was almost equal in prominence to our plane crashing.
Several years have passed since that international ride, and the me that sits on this plane now is so much different from the girl I was then, or the (a-hem) young lady I was just a few months ago. Thanks to some helpful role-play (pretending that I am a businessman who flies for work all the time or a scientist who loves physics so much I trust it with my life) I am now able to soften in a state adjacent to peace, using my sheer will to command relaxation from the muscles in my legs and shoulders that tense automatically in response to turbulence, though it doesn’t help that our pilot is flying like he’s in a rush. My personal TV runs a slideshow of the flight’s pathway and key metrics and its choreography starts to sync with the bass that strums in the Nina Simone song that I’m listening to, creating a miniature pixel ballet. The display zooms out to spin around a distant view of Earth before closing back in to sail over Oklahoma City, Omaha, Des Moines. Something about flying is always so emotional, and of course it is! We’re soaring through the clouds, getting a rare glance at the tops of them! There’s so much time to think, reflect, dream, etc. With all of these feelings, it’s no surprise that the carousel’s lyricism is all it takes to move me to tears, which I’m initially embarrassed about but just a few minutes ago I watched the man sitting next to me lick the wrapper for morsels of his complimentary in-flight snack (crisped quinoa covered in chocolate |: ) so we’ve now each seen the other through a moment of vulnerability.
you’re throwing shade on undercover snacks??? best snacks on united flights imo!!! - S
A small digitized representation of our plane tracks our progress across the country. I imagine the virtual versions of myself and my flight-mates and ascribe them each with a bit more freedom, less restricted by the rules of reality. Perhaps in this other realm, I’ve become close with the blue-eyed stewardess, the perfect smoothness of the flight allowing us to trade stories in the back cabin as she teaches me how to make fishtail braids in my hair. Upon landing, she and I will swap numbers and promise to get lunch.
It’s hard to believe that I’ve had so much to say before even mentioning the reason behind my flight, which was my road trip with Sophie to drop her in New Mexico for her internship! We saw the Deep South for the first time in our lives, and got to meet some really interesting, wonderful people along our route which included the town where Bonnie and Clyde were ambushed! If you’re even in Gibsland, Louisiana, the museum dedicated to them is unmissable.
It’s such a pleasure—and a reminder of the vastness of our world—to drive and drive and be rewarded with drastic landscape changes. By the time we arrived in New Mexico our chin acne was raging. All of the East Coast lushness was days behind us and we were surrounded by cacti and adobe. I’m moved by Santa Fe’s aesthetic and its harmony with the surrounding desert nature! How awesome to see a city that (at least outwardly) pulls inspiration and influence from the world around it and creates infrastructure in dialogue with it rather than developing in away that contradicts the beauty of the land.
A coworker of mine recently said, in response to my asking how she was doing, “Life is life-ing,” and my god, she’s right! It feels accurate to say that I am in the midst of a kind of emotional catharsis right now and, as a result, am experiencing things with a rawness that has caught me off guard. Something out there in the ether is really doing its best to humble me and it’s working. Ok!! I relinquish control!!! Even trying to manifest certain things that I want delivers results that are representative of the truer consequences of my heart’s desires as they relate to the limitations of reality. I vow to get real with myself and use my powers for good not evil. My Saturn Return is still a few years away, but a psychic told me that I’m doing my shadow work now (literally the first time in my life I’m ahead of schedule, don’t think I’ll be getting extra credit though 😭) and all I can say to that is let her please be speaking the TRUTH. And yet, amidst the rubble I have been blessed with shining lights that guide me forward, or at the very least to emotional safety. Every night now I sleep with our two cats pressed up against my body and am reminded of the tenderness that requires only an open heart to access. So many things in life are uncertain and I quite literally have no idea what’s happening at least 50% of the time these days but there are so many gifts that are guaranteed simply by existing! Summer is here and it’s warm and decadent. Salt, my favorite mineral, I bow down to thee. My friendships inspire, excite and heal me. Food is delicious and who ever said there was anything wrong with the indulgent cigarette (just don’t tell my mom).
Don’t worry too much, I’m not writing poetry or anything (truly), but I am listening to a lot of Martina McBride. She’s a natural storyteller!
The kitties sleeping with u :- ‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘) I COULD CRY I MISS THEM SO MUCH!!!!!! - S
A Few Final Items
✼ My cereal box from literally the day after I bid Sophie a tearful farewell at the Albuquerque airport:
✽ Sophie and I both picked up a copy of All Fours in Santa Fe and it’s far and away my favorite read of the year, and the best thing Miranda July has written.
✾ I’m going to Ireland in July! If anyone has suggestions for things to do and see in the Dingle and Doolin areas, please send posthaste.
✽ Here’s a picture of my dad at Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens, because it deserves to be shared:
✽ Forgot how awesome this song is:
con mucho amor 💋💋💋
jess
Office Vibes/Enchanted to Meet U
Living the simple life. Trying to live the simple life. Watching the oversized pigeons that I had no clue lived in rural New Mexico eat up all the bird feed my summer roomie half-begrudgingly refills each morning. (“it’s all supposed to be for the finches, not the pigeons!!!”)
I moved to The Land of Enchantment for the summer! I’m in awe of the sky and the mountains I get to see outside my window every day. I’m obsessed with the aridity. Where does my tap water come from? (Why have I never stopped and wondered where my tap water came from??) The answer, out here, is mostly from aquifers, if you’re wondering. (An aquifer is an underground layer of water-bearing permeable rock, rock fractures or unconsolidated materials (gravel, sand, or silt). Groundwater can be extracted using a water well.) Like Jess mentioned, this is all a stark contrast to the green expanses of forest, the humid heaviness: joyous east coast hallmarks! It’s interesting to view where you’re from through the lens of others who have only passed through. The HUMIDITY out there! Yup. Where’s Richmond again? What’s that like? Though feeling known and connecting are the feelings I’m always chasing, there’s something…calming to me about someone knowing nothing of the place I live. I have to fill in the blanks. And what’s more, it reminds me that I’m always changing and becoming. They’re only meeting the me formed up to June 2024! It’s so colorful in my head, I’m always joking to Jess about the idiosyncrasies of where we live together, in comparison to where I am now. (“It’s awesome! I like how I have yet to see a hipster!!! No one here’s trying to be cool!!”) Of course, this analysis glosses over the (many) “TRUMP GOT IT RIGHT”/blue lives matter/go WOKE yourself slogans I see every day. Whoa! And spending time alone! I’m eating beans a lot because I love them. I also felt ready to lift my weights alongside the military men in the gym. And feeling truly dropped in the middle of…somewhere that feels a lot smaller than what I’m used to. Even going on my walks feels somewhat novel.
In reference to friendship, being alone, or in a new place always reminds me how beautiful friendship is. I mean, how did I get so lucky to get a bestie who would drive me to NM while listening to the worst book in the world? I mean it, she drove 95% of the way here while I played with my slime in the passenger seat, like a competent attorney. Who can clog the toilet in the bonnie and clyde museum like no one else? And on top of all of that? She’s a natural blonde. And getting to talk on the phone to friends feels like entering a portal of love when you don’t get to hang regularly!
I’m so close to my big girl job. I’m working at a public defender’s office this summer. After this, one more year of school to go and I’m free! I’m so ready to feel like a person working in the world again, even if it is a little anticlimactic. Everyone keeps asking me, “Why did you come here, out of all places?” I’m not sure why I did. I actually just got a good feeling when I pictured myself living in the desert and ran with the gut feeling that flowed from there. How does one “live simply” really?
My supervisor congratulated another co-worker on his big decision to move to the Philippines with his wife. I had only met him a day earlier. We had a potluck in the break room; purple holographic “CONGRATS, GRAD!” streamers and decorations hung lopsided on the wall behind him. Barbecue steamed, brining in its own sugar in a crockpot. Someone else brought cheesy potatoes. Anyways, one of my coworkers gave a kind, loving speech that I would not often expect to hear amongst coworkers about how much they appreciated this person. I love being in a room with people who are happy. She said something about the value of enjoying a simple life. That, “some people live their whole life without really living.” Wait…am I living? What is living? I’m technically at a 9-5 job right now, is that living? Back to my usual questions, just in different setting. Is time a waste when you’re not able to laugh with friends during the week? Is it a waste to plop yourself in the desert? Has weed been the answer to my inability to relax all along? It is a waste to not want to see a rattlesnake when you could see one from a safe distance? I want to see the rattlesnake, badly. Is a relationship gone wrong a waste? A relationship gone wrong is not a waste. Is all this time I’ve spent in school a waste? Is time not spent in the presence of my cat when I might die tomorrow a waste? I did find out seeing a roadrunner is good luck, and I saw one this week. I’m so busy emailing, smelling the sunshine so I can figure it out for you all come August.
Love u friends, from the internet
Sophie
Feel free to call me sometime if u want to chat this summer! Doesn’t have to be for any reason at all. I’m not kidding. 5712239200
my simple recs this week:
*listening to a book completely for pleasure that u learn nothing from
*talking to yourself
*What are your top things you like to do by yourself? - lately I like to go on a walk and listen to my audiobook, call a friend, drive somewhere new
*cottage cheese - amazing snack, completely slept on this one for pretty much forever. (Only converted…by my mom my whole life, and most recently, my sister Bess!)
*happy juneteenth on Wednesday!
*this song, from dad’s road trip playlist
💖 I went to Arizona for my honeymoon recently and omfg I friggin love the plants and animals there. It's like outer space. 🌵
I LOVE MY GIRLS