Hello,
I hope this email finds you well as we all recover from the seemingly-universal rampant spiral that May presented us with. Have you all felt this too? Figuring there must have been some sort of chaos demon on the loose because pretty much everyone I know has Been Through It in some way during these past few weeks. I think that the excitement of being able to reenter the physical world and share space with people again has fostered a mania that has unravelled us all. I always forget how strongly I feel the cold → warm seasonal transition, and combined with being able to experience the world in some capacity again makes it hit way harder. One might think that the natural response to feeling surrounded by transition in its many phases would be to seek comfort, solace, stability, etc., but lately I’ve been craving a sense of great upheaval, wanting to intensify the exciting uncertainty I feel all around me. Throw my cell phone into the ocean type of feeling, but I may also just be bummed to be sitting just outside the Brood X cicada range. Who’s to say…
When I’m feeling this type of way I always fantasize about uprooting, because when I can’t figure out the source of my restlessness the easy way out for my brain is to opt for complete change, and I can’t even be bothered to think harder because the blazing hot sun is cooking me like an egg!! I began indulging this thought by re-reading segments of “The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler”, a favorite book from my childhood in which the protagonist Claudia runs away from her suburban home with her little brother to live in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She is pioneer for us all:
All this to say that I have found it somewhat difficult to achieve balance between a tranquil mindset and frenzied escapism, and it wasn’t until Sophie sent me a quote from another Substack, Maybe Baby, advising on this sentiment. Plz don’t judge me for being a self-help girl this week:
judge me then instead ! I’m a self-help girl every single day of my life Lmao - Sophie
“It’s easier to say “I should go get what I want!” (and change everything) or “the grass is greener on the other side!” (and change nothing); these are the ultimate expressions of freedom and safety, respectively. But a full life always engenders a negotiation between both . . .
I wonder if there are ways for you to invite in more risk and freedom without abandoning everything that makes you feel safe . . . What are you most afraid of, and so tired of being afraid of? What might you do if you were a slightly less risk-averse version of yourself? Obviously you have already considered what you’d do if you were an extremely less risk-averse version of yourself (uproot the whole thing), but what about somewhere in-between?”
It makes sense to me that the restless feeling could be resulting from a self-perceived lack of risk, and perhaps my longing for a change is actually a deeper desire to expand the emotional landscape within
I’m excited by the certainty that the future is definitely Going to Happen, and I know that in truth I don’t want to uproot it all because I’m in a place that I like, surrounded by lots of lovely people, and the last thing I will ever do is turn this newsletter into Eat, Pray, Love.
Kiss My Sweet Ass,
jess
Ready to Feel Alive???
My #1 Recommendation this week is guaranteed to make you feel incredible, and I can’t believe I haven’t written about this before because they kept me sane this whole year. It’s a mother-daughter-led dance collective called Kukuwa Fitness and you will fall in love with them in the first second of this video:
Another recommendation for you all is Tampopo, spoon-feeding us inspiration, aspiration, love, sex, adventure, ambition, patience, noodles, the best movie I’ve watched in a very long time.
And one more thing is this quote…
“Move on, Sontag urged. Leave the field untilled. Switch projects. Change hemispheres. Make a film. Direct a play. Write a novel. Fly to Hanoi. Nonspecialist, she refused restriction, scorned the limiting identity of expert. She would rather have been considered a collector, connoisseur, sad pervert–anything but academic."
— Wayne Koestenbaum, “Susan Sontag, Cosmophage,” My 1980s & Other Essays
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Hi everyone this is Sophie…happy June! Goodbye, May! Goodbye and good riddance!
To me, summer doesn’t *officially* start until June…moving into my carefree summer mindset now! That said, if you need me anytime soon, you can find me gently raking the sand in my zen garden. See below…
Jess got it for me for my birthday and I never knew how much I NEEDED IT! It has become a special part of my day to spend time refurbishing the yard and raking the pink salt in my tiny sandbox. It’s a small thing that has been bringing me joy lately. In fact, I think I’ve decided for the time being that I want to move into my zen garden. I wish I could electively shrink myself down to size and take a walk there when I need to. It would be so controlled and peaceful, kind of like…sensory deprivation in a snow globe.
I’d begin every day in my peaceful garden by taking a leisurely walk around the pink salt dunes, and say hi to my blissfully silent friend…
…then I’d make sand angels for a little bit, and practice singing a song and probably read a book, take a nap without an alarm, watch cartoons and then call someone on the phone. It would be a perfect time. This reminds me of this list of “zen things” I’ve seen many times before (hoping I haven’t already shared this before?), which I’ve included below. It’s a nice intention, take what you want from it! Also, seeing things listed out in this format is really calming to me…
To respond to what you’re thinking about here, Jess, I like to think the recent unravelling feeling that it seems so many people in my life are feeling is a combination of post-pandemic (…..are we using that term now…..) shifts in everyone’s lifestyles and…something cosmic. I think May had a mercury retrograde, right?
Also, I do think a general sense of restlessness is a pretty common feeling, especially when you have a really structured schedule—I find myself feeling extremely restless and wanting to EXPLODE out of my room every single day at around 6:00pm… lol…a product of working from home?—but I do think if the feeling is pervasive, upheaval and uprooting feel a little bit…more intense than general restlessness… it probably is a signal of something deeper inside of you.
EDIT: Some information for those interested, care of Refinery29 Lol
“Okay, so things are about to be a little intense — but this isn't exactly new energy. Lisa Stardust tells Refinery29 that this is because the pre-retrograde zone began on May 14, and the post-retroshade zone will end on July 7. "We’ll be working with this energy for a while," she says. "This retrograde will expose secrets, scandals, and add anxiety to our vibes." Her advice? Be gentle with yourself and others…Mercury retrogrades always make us feel restless, like we're not ticking the boxes off our to-do lists fast enough. But while the Planet of Communication is in retrograde, it's more important than ever to stop and smell the roses.”
So, astrology doesn’t explain everything, which we already know, but this info makes me feel better. Jess did you see the part about being restless? Ugh, I hate when anxiety is added to my “vibes”….Lol
wow okay! seems that starman above is just messing with us at this point… ty for sharing this insight Sophie - jess
Thanks Lisa Stardust!
Not that you asked for my insight on this, but maybe there’s actually something in your life you can switch up in the coming future that can address these feelings? I’m all for inner work, so to speak, but changing tangible things in your life, whether or not they are small or big to you can make you feel a little more in control of something in this world!…Take a risk for the sanity of your future self!!! Whatever that means for you.
you are really inspiring me today and i absolutely always want your insight. go off -j
Just thinking a lot about facing perceived fears in life lately so this is a subject I love to talk about. Also because I’ve been voraciously seeking out, consuming a loooooooooot of internet material/advice/proverbial “truths” about life…but one thing that seems to be the consensus is that making a big choice always comes with super complex feelings and doesn’t completely solve all your problems but can push you into some important discomfort!
Also right now I am the oldest I have ever been, so every decision I make can seem major and like it will affect so much or I won’t recover when really, with some perspective…it’s just a blip. I think there’s obvious exceptions to this etc…and I’m not trying to fall into the “GO!!! JUST GO!!! IF YOU’RE IN YOUR 20s, TRAVEL!!!! GO NOW!!! COME ON THERE’S NO OTHER TIME TO DO IT” line of discourse —LOL actually it’s not discourse it’s medium articles— which has always really bothered me…anyhow…I’m gonna end this here now.
full disclosure I really have no idea what I’m talking about <3
This week, I’d recommend…
Taking a walk without a set route and without any immediate place to be and not stopping for a long, long time.
Raw radishes
Any kind of meatball
The color orange! which I neglected for so long…
This quote from the book “All About Love: New Visions” written by bell hooks, which I recently finished. Maybe it’s just my disposition right now, but I found the book inspiring, very profound and perspective-shifting on the concept of love. It’s not just about romantic love either! I would recommend this book to everyone, and I’m already finding myself returning to some of the concepts hooks writes about, and wanting to re-read it! The only critique I’d add of this book before reading is some of the writing is a little gender essentialist. It reminds me a little bit of the awesome book Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Marie Brown, if you have read that. Another empowering book to consume <3 I could’ve added so many more quotes here but if you like this one, get the book!
“One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn't it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim "You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself" made clear sense. And I add, "Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.”
Two music videos…
This tweet by Cher, Lol
Watching Steven Universe :-’’’’’’’’’’’’) Seriously this show has been bringing me so much joy and comfort lately
Trying to let things happen in their own time
FEELING GENUINE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF IN THE PAST, NOW AND ALWAYS!!!! : - )
Love you all for real,
Sophie